there's a reason i don't answer my phone, there's a reason i'm never online, and there's a reason i don't return people's messages. its because when i do it gets too hard. the longer i go without contact, the easier the distance is to deal with. i pick up the phone and i get ready to call, but i just set the phone down because as much as that hurts, it's a lot less painful than talking would be. because i'll get off the phone or turn off my computer and i'll have to sit there and think about it. and it will make things just a little harder. so that's it, i hope you understand. i doubt you do, because i have trouble understanding it myself. just accept that that's the only thing i'm strong enough to do.