life just looks so much easier on tv. i mean, sure people have their little problems...but in all of your major sitcoms, there's never really any bad stuff happening. i just want to lay down and sleep for a week. like if i could do that, and wake up a week later, i would be the freaking happiest person on the face of this earth. just not have to deal with anything for seven days. that's all i ask...seven days

why is it when i offer people adivce to people about relationships it works and things go well, but when i'm in a relationship i can't do things right? a friend asks me a favor, and i, not thinking say yes... even though it effects my girlfriend. normally thinking, i would say hey...let me ask my girlfriend about that...but no i just say yes. argh. stupid stupid stupid. and now is she mad at me and pretending she's not. i'm so self-conscience about doing things right because i don't want to screw this thing up. i tend to do that a lot. and that would be the worst thing to happen to me now. argh. i need sleep and stress management class in two weeks. bleah.

i should warn you
i go to sleep
i know you don't
know what i mean
yet
i get upset or happy
i go to sleep
nothing hurts when
i go to sleep
but i'm not tired
i'm not tired

i know it seems that i don't care
but something in me does i swear
i don't remember all last year
i left you awake to cry the tears
while i was dreaming in streams
flowing between the shores
of joy and sadness
i'm drowning
save me
wake me up

i should warn you
i go to sleep
you won't know when i go to sleep
because i'm not tired
i'm not tired
i just sleep

i would like to note on the entry from february the twenty-seventh. that post was not directed at any one person. that post was me venting every pissed off feeling from my body. i needed that. trust me, it's way better that i wrote it here and not screamed it in someone's face. i'm not apologizing for what i said, because it's what i felt. my life should not consist of me holding back my feelings about anything, and it's not going to. my life is going to be about being honest with how i feel, when i feel it. some of you may not be able to accept it. hopefully most of you will, and be appreciate what i mean by it. i'm not being honest with you to hurt your feelings, nothing i say here is for your personal betterment, it's for mine. this keeps me from bottling up everything that i would probably go screaming at someone if left to it's own devices. what i say isn't a proclomation of my loss of friendship for anyone, unless it specifically states that. so, i ask that you be glad that i am honest with everyone, and be glad that i don't lie to you and pretend to feel something i don't. because if you were to find out that i was pretending, then that hurts worse. so i don't hate you unless you're jason fuller, or dan quayle. so that's it for the evening, i'm going to bed

and now they have started again. there is some major slandering. nick just called himself a fierce fighter while laying on top of abbey. it's a good thing that becca isn't here. because it's pretty hot. lots of heavy breathing, panting and kicking in my cd case and dropping my darts on the floor. they want to break eachother. in the spirit of the euro we're not doing...i believe that this all comes from some deep seated sexual frustration. as in, they aren't getting any and need to do that. nick just played the drums on abbey's butt. abbey just called it playing her butt. if nick's ass wasn't hanging out of his pants this would be a lot better. now abbey is on top. it kind of resembles a 69 position minus the sex. still lots of panting. drink break. he's totally pinned to the floor. they're so about to make out right now. they were gazing into eachothers eyes. and then nick went for abbeys boobs. and now she's playing instruments at him while she's straddling him from behind. if they were naked this would be like cinemax porn.

right now as i am writing, nick and abbey are beating the crap out of eachother. and nick is totally losing. this is all why we are trying to do our english homework. i'm just sitting here. abbey just called nick a pansy. and abbey has nick pinned to the floor. now nick has abbey pinned. she is about to kick him. now they are beating eachother with the beanbag chair. and now they want a drink

it's cold. yesterday was warm. i wore sandals yesterday.i'm wearing a coat today. how is this fair. i got my bike ready for some riding yesterday. i would freeze my ass off if i went riding today. god damn hippies and their god damn weather. you know, it's that damn saddam hussein that's making it fluxate in temperature. and his god damn communism. that's how my grandfather talks. man i love my grandpa. next thing you know, it'll be colin powells fault for the god damn global warming. and this and that. time for some hard core dancing...................ok i'm done. writing that is, not dancing...........now i'm done dancing.

yay for long drives in the minivan with lisa and rachel. we drove like three miles farther than we were supposed to on the way to doc hanson's play last night. oh man, we were sitting in the front row, and then doc hanson and a small group came down off of the stage and were standing right in front of us. doc was trying so hard not to crack up at us. it was so much fun. we met diana there, and then we saw farmer and katie and lisa and jenny and olivia. at the end we all gave her a standing ovation and then got a picture with her. it was way sweet. this old lady with lots of makeup sang "i can't say no" and it was freaking hilarious. it was the funniest thing i've ever seen. oh man. then rachel and lisa and i went to cravings to talk and hang out. i asked the guy at the counter what had the most caffiene and he made me a "red-eye". it involves a triple shot of espresso, then a huge cup filled with coffee on top of that. it was the strongest cup of coffee i've ever had. it was amazing. i've gotten tired of typing so...maybe i'll finish this later, maybe i won't.