enter the new year. here it is. in three hours it will be two-thousand and five, and i feel the same way as i did in two-thousand and four. i'm done. high school is over. i'm tired of making resolutions that i never follow through with. this year, is different. i'm going to feel good, the way i should. i'm going to actually get myself into shape, the way i've been telling myself since i quit karate. i'm going to do well in my classes. i'm going to get on my way to a rhodes scholarship. i get a rhodes scholarship. not i will try, i will. "do or not do, there is no try," if i may qoute yoda. i will tell jenni how i feel, and i will do it without being upset, because i'm not anymore. this kind of self-assurance and revival doesn't just come with the new year, it comes from a long time of not doing anything. it's just convenient that it comes on the new year, so that i have a time frame that i can judge myself on. but i won't judge myself.

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

this song is how i feel, except i haven't told her. so you know what. here it goes, things are going to change...you watch. by the way, happy new year.

so here i am, sitting on my computer when i should be reading the dramatic imagination by robert edmond jones. that's because i have a paper due on that book on the sixth. yeah homework over winter break. jesus christ. christmas was good. i got a scooter, season three of west wing and a photograph by my cousin david. his website doesn't do his work justice, but here it is dave hammaker. anyway. i'm pretty tired. that comes from not sleeping for a while i guess. i really don't know where things stand with jenni, and by not knowing, i mean i really have no idea. and let me put down a bet that we won't talk about things before i go to school, and that will make things really good. i love it, no joke. i'm looking forward to going back to school, but for the first time since last october, i've been having doubts about my major. i'm planning on going through with it, but then i want a degree in political scince (or political theory from oxford if i can get a rhodes scholarship somehow). but i don't know what i really want to spend the rest of my life doing. i think being home is making me not think straight, which is why i'm looking forward to being back at school. things are so different here, and i don't know how things are with all of my friends, everyone acts so weird around eachother. this break has been too long i think. but, there's nothing i can do about that. anyway, i'm going to read so i can write a paper. whole book tonight, then the civic tomorrow for a few hours to get my ten. awww yeah. goodnight kids, keep on rocking and rolling.

merry christmas to all, and to all... a good night

i am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
in our eyes are mirror images and when
we kiss they're perfectly aligned
and I have to speculate that god himself
did make us into corresponding shapes like
puzzle pieces from the clay
true, it may seem like a stretch, but
its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
head when you're away when i am missing you to death
when you are out there on the road for
several weeks of shows and when you scan
the radio, i hope this song will guide you home

they will see us waving from such great
heights, "come down now," they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now," but we'll stay...

i tried my best to leave this all on your
machine but the persistent beat it sounded
thin upon listening
that frankly will not fly. you will hear
the shrillest highs and lowest lows with
the windows down when this is guiding you home

they will see us waving from such great
heights, "come down now," they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now," but we'll stay...
-the postal service: "such great heights"

it's time again for me to write something here, so here's the update. classes are finally over and i have but one final left until i am done for winter break. it's kind of a strange thing to have three whole days of nothing to do, just waiting for that last test to come around. this is going to sound ridiculous, but i'm going to be flying home on friday. that's right... i'm flying from cincinnati to cleveland. i will also be flying for the grand total sum of... five dollars. that's right ladies and gentleman, it is costing less for me to fly home than it is for you to drive. thank you dad and your frequent flyer miles. anyway, thanksgiving was pretty good, but i'm not sure where things are... it's hard to tell in a day, but it seems to get harder to understand as time goes on, and it makes me wonder how things will go over this almost month of break. the internship at great lakes theatre festival is looking promising, i talked to the production manager today and he wants me to send him my resume, even though they don't usually take interns over the summer. so hopefully that will turn out well. it's time for bed now though, so i'll see most of you in a few weeks at home. enjoy the last weeks of school. good night

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